Any Jay-z fans out there? You get me right?
Well, here we are in the year 2020 and its been weird, emotional, frustrating, eye opening, and loud. It's so easy to get lost and wrapped up in all of it. All of 2020 has had real affects on us. Me included. I go through these phases of rebuilding and today isn't any different. With that being said, it's time for me to re-introduce myself to the world again.
If you read my home page, you have the basic run down. GO ahead, click on it. I can wait here.
I'm not just a creative but I'm a mama and a over 40 yr old woman and I'm multi racial but I identify as Afro Latina. Whew, thats just a lot but its me.
I'm a true artist type who can disorganized and emotional when it comes to my work. I'm a self proclaimed perfectionist who rebels against run of the mill anything. I love deep conversations about everything except for sports.
I love creating. I love creating kids, home decor, pretty spaces, businesses, parental lectures for my kids, and even the pain staking task of revamping my web site for the 5 billionth time.
I spent my adult years as a SAHM but I always had dreams of owning my own business. I opened my brick and mortar when I was still nursing my 6th baby. I painted furniture and whipped one out when she had to be fed. I had to make money and pay that rent. I worked endlessly and had ultimate mom guilt for 4 years. I had to run my business. Period. House could wait. Kids were self sufficient. Its all good, right?
Then in 2018, I closed it all up. Why? Well, it's a sad story that I am open to share but not on this post. I lost myself and also realized how dusty my house was. My kids were happy to have mom home again. Mom struggled. Real talk.
I eventually pulled myself out of the grossness and doom. I pretended to have my fish together. No one likes sad people on Instagram. I pressed on. Juggling kids, home, finding my identity, self development, and trying not to be a full on recluse. I never truly stopped painting furniture. I had to make money.
Then we rang in 2020. What were we thinking?
Business stopped. I got a new job as an unpaid liaison to my kids teachers. Just kidding. I was hiding under the covers like everyone else hoping that no one would catch covid. I did learn how to make masks and masks I made. Over a thousand at this point. I stopped moving my body unless I needed to go purchase copious amounts of food at Walmart.
Eventually, we moved from Covid, into Racial Tension that was palpable on most days. I lost some friends and gained some anxiety. Besides growing up a confused brown kid with a strong Irish family, I'm also raising Brown and Black kids. At this point, you can sprinkle some mental health issues, endless scrolling on social media, sweating in my own masks, and not a large enough wine collection, and we have made our way to October 2020.
Yesterday was the first of month, so I woke up, woke up. That's a Bone Thugs-n-Harmony play on words.I was emotional and yucky but for some reason, I decided to reintroduce myself on my Instagram page. Girllll, that was literally the best thing I could've done. We are all lovers of praise and not the exception to the rule. I thought being so wishy washy in my creative journey at this point, I had lost some of those people that helped build my business.
I can't even explain the fullness I felt in my heart, when I received message after message from people I have met over the years. It empowered me so much. I may swim against the tide but feeling empowered by women who truly have nothing but love for you, has positive ripple effects.
So here I am. Feeling empowered. Not overthinking and just typing. I'm going to eliminate some mindless scrolling with intentional pouring of love into others. It validates my journey and lets me know that there is room for all of us. You are magic even when you are covered in darkness.