How I went from small business owner to content creator to somewhere in between....
Let me take you back.....
When I started my furniture painting business, my family & home were the core of that business. I shared the things that I loved the most with the people that supported me and my dream. Hello's turned into hugs from customers who became friends. Some of those friends turned into family. Relationships and connections were formed that shaped who I was a business owner and creator.
Then, like a nightmare, my world from every corner and crevice, collapsed. My family experienced a trauma that turned me against myself. It turned my dreams into a living nightmare.
A person that I trusted, that I vouched for, betrayed my family in the worse way. Every parents nightmare is made out of my reality. In the days to come, I made painful decision after decision, barely getting through the day. I closed my shop, I tucked myself away into a safe little black hole, I stopped hugging my friends who were once customers, I threw out my paintbrushes, I let it all go.I wrapped my family so tightly in my arms that I'm probably paying for that now with super independent teenagers who sometimes run from mommy hugs.
I lived in a world of shame and then the pandemic happened. Talk about a freaking blow. I was already going through it...my family was going through it and then we all got forced to be together 24 hours a day. It was rough to say the absolute least.
I definitely wasn't looking because as the world around us closed, my marriage began to fall apart. The trauma didn't help...actually, nothing did.
I still couldn't create. The thoughts of it made me sick to my stomach. My brain couldn't stop associating creating and happiness with impending doom. THIS is something I worked HARD on, to heal about myself. I still work on it.
But in true Melissa fashion, you know the strong first child, type A, enneagram 8, 80's baby style, I knew I had to try to fix things.
I started with my business. I'll revive that, online of course, with IG being my home for all things 8 by design. I felt like I was on the come up. I ditched FB for the cool kids. Please know that this was my way of thinking then...
Anyways, I went on a search for black and brown creative women because that was definitely lacking in my real business life and I always despised that. I ended up finding my ride or die IG homegirl and from there, we just kept connecting with other women who looked like us and our online family was created.
DIY was the name of the game and room makeovers and moms learning how to use drills and saws was where it was at. This was right up my alley cause I had been doing this for the longest already so I knew I was gonna be a superstar at this and make a ton of money.....insert belly laughing.
Let me save you the suspense, none of that happened. I was still suffering from PTSD and all that good trauma stuff plus, I'm a real one, I like to keep things all the way funky, I'm that lady who has a business but isn't cut throat...success isn't equated to dollars or power for me, I get paid in connections with the bonus of dollars at the end of the transaction.
I had found my community, I had a small fire for creating again but that damn thing called life was getting in my way. The way my brain is set up, I couldn't make DIY'ing my full time gig. It didn't feel sustainable to me...still don't think it is not should it be. Content creation is done best when it's organic and based in reality. I didn't and still don't have big house or endless funds. I'm sorry but DIY supplies are expensive. I also didn't and still don't have a renovation budget. Actually, I have no budget. My money goes to these bills and these kids.